Battle of the Year

Americans don’t care about B-Boy anymore. According to Dante (Laz Alonso), head of the American B-Boy team, if we don’t revive it, hip-hop will die. His plan is to get basketball coach/former B-Boy dancer, Jason Blake (Josh Holloway), to coach the team. They call themselves the Dream Team. (How original for an Olympic-like team.)

Even if America doesn’t care about B-Boy, you know who does? The rest of the world. Most specifically, the South Koreans. It is a worldwide competition. It’s literally like the Olympics of dance competitions. You get medals. They play the national anthem of the winner. Not at all over the top.

With his assistant, Franklyn – “With a Y” (Josh Peck), Jason coaches the likes of Rooster (Chris Brown), Flipz (Ivan “Flipz” Velez), Do Knock (Jon “Do Knock” Cruz), Lil Adonis (Richard Maguire), Mayhem (Joshua Lee Ayers), Sniper (Sawandi Wilson), and Dani (Daniel Lietchy). How that last one got in with a regular name, I have no idea.

Jason runs his B-Boy camp like a boot camp for the military. He lists a bunch of rules about certain things which, if you do any of these, “You’re out.” Yet, no one is ever kicked out for breaking the rules. The boot camp is held at an abandoned juvenile detention center. Every Friday, someone will be booted from the team until they are down to the finest B-Boys to take to the competition.

Battle of the Year is the worst dance movie ever. So bad that Redbox didn’t have the Blu-ray. They only had the regular DVD. Which is fine because the picture quality match the quality of the movie.

Keep in mind that I do enjoy dance movies. It’s a guilty pleasure of mine. But only if they’re done well. (See Step Up, and its entire franchise — with the exception of Step Up 3D.)

The acting is completely over the top. Even if you excuse the fact that the film includes the likes of Chris Brown – who you know can’t really compete with these B-Boy pros (He does shine in the scenes where his character is starting fights…), as an ensemble, the cast is a mess.

During Jason’s motivational speeches the soundtrack reminds me of what you would hear during movies like Rudy. (Keep in mind, and forgive me for this, but I have never seen Rudy, despite the fact that I own the film.) It all just adds to the ridiculousness that they try to pass off as a movie.

As with most dance movies, the dancing is the highlight of the movie. When they finally get around to showcasing this, it is too little, too late. And the dance that gets them into the finals is more impressive than the dance they use in the final dance off. Why they wouldn’t have “saved the best for last” is beyond me.

This movie is bad. Like, Grown Ups 2 bad. At least with Grown Ups 2, I knew what I was getting into, since I’m familiar with the cast and the style they use. There is nothing redeeming about this movie. Please don’t torture yourself sitting through this joke of a movie.

Battle of the Year

One comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s